How To: Deal w. F#%kboi Dealers

In a perfect world, you wouldn’t have to deal with fuckbois when it comes to buying weed.

But the world is hardly perfect, so here we are. 

At some point in your weed buying life, you’ve encountered a bud dealing fuckboi that either doesn’t understand that selling weed is in fact still a business or thinks it’s okay to shoot his shot with every transaction. You shouldn’t have to wait five hours for an eighth, nor should you have to deal with thirst when you’re trying to buy bud. Unfortunately, these are some of the things a lot of us have to deal with while living in non-recreational states. We don’t have the luxury to just pull up to a dispensary, get our weed and go home. At least not yet. So whether you’ve had to deal with this type of dealer or not, here are some tips on how to deal with a fuckboi dealer. You don’t got time for the bullshit. 

A guide to dealing with a fuckboi dealer:

Buy in bulk.

Not only will buying in bulk cut down on how often you have to see your dealer, but it also saves money. Instead of buying an eighth (3.5g) at a time, look into copping anywhere from a quarter ounce (7g) to an ounce (28g). 

Cop when you’re down to your last two joints.

Don’t wait until your last joint. We repeat: NEVER wait until your last joint to re-up. You’ll end up sober and pissed that your dealer isn’t here yet, even though he told you he’ll be there in 10 minutes. You cannot rely on these men to be punctual. Even if they are, it’s always good to prepare for the worst. 

Have exact change.

Keep the transitions fast. If an eighth is $35, have $35. Not $40. Not $34. Always pay the exact amount. No shorts, no IOUs. Don’t ask for any deals or discounts. The quicker you pay that man, the quicker he’s out your face. 

No small talk.

 If he ain’t telling you about the weed, there’s nothing to talk about. It’s as simple as that. 

Don’t give out your full first name.

First names are on a need-to-know basis. Your dealer doesn’t need to know your name. He just needs something to put you down in his phone as. So you’re L., not Laura. Dee, not Danielle. Ash, not Ashley. He doesn’t have to know your real name. And if you do decide to give a fake name, don’t forget it. 

Refrain from going into his car or home.

Let him meet you outside his car, at the door of his home, in a public place, even outside your place. For security reasons, don’t put yourself in any scenario that makes it hard for you to escape if shit ever got that real. 

If possible, use a delivery service or go to a dispensary.

If you have access to an exclusive delivery service, use it. You may pay a bit more, but we assure you it will come with more professional people to deal with and more variations in products and strains. If that’s not an option, stick to the other rules and you should be good. 

Did we miss anything?
Got tips to add to this list? Let us know.

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